Friday, January 29, 2016

Practicing Asking

It occurs to me that we're all different about asking and receiving. There's folks like my dad who flirt with the ladies working at the airline counter and ask if he can "balance out the load" by being upgraded to first class. There's a This American Life about guys like him who ask for the good guy discount.  Then there's folks like me: I feel kinda guilty asking for anything ever, unless it's from my mom or I'm paying for it.

One of the many great things my Restorative Yoga teacher Judith taught me is that giving is the best gig in town. I love giving to people and *I know* other people like giving too. I'm practicing asking. Twice this week I've asked friends who work up at the Ski Valley if I can partake in a hook-up or two, and I'm about to ask a third one. I'm not attached to outcome and I've said "Thank you either way." And true to my over-sharing self, I even told one of them I was practicing asking.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016


"Find a place you trust and then try trusting it for a while."--Corita Kent

Friday, January 22, 2016


During the planning of my first yoga retreat, my retreat partner and I would get together once a week in the name of the retreat. Sometimes we would get a bunch done; people would sign up, we'd send money or work on the design of the postcards. Sometimes we would just sit and talk about how much fun we were going to have. Both felt productive; the sitting around and talking about fun fostered our connection to each other and to the retreat. Fostering whatever it may be: your own happiness, communication with people in your life or a specific project is a great way to spend time.

After going down to Santa Fe and back twice this week, I was thrilled to spend some time at home. Although I do have some home projects I want to tackle and spaces I'd like clean, I just set the timer for an hour to foster my home and its energy. I didn't accomplish anything grand, I swept, I put ice melt on some slippery parts of the path, did the dishes and burned incense. Nothing got checked off the list but I feel more grounded and connected to my space, which is enough for me. 

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Decidedly Towards Cozy

Pretty much the only hope I have for sleeping a little later in the morning is when I'm at a hotel or someone else's house. Last night I stayed at my cousin Sally's lovely old Hacienda north of Santa Fe. Sally's alarm went off at 4am so she could do school work before going to regular work; my chances for sleeping in were shot. At that time of day, my mind loves to turn on. I didn't have anywhere to be until 1:30 pm; I was kinda at a loss. I stayed in bed for another 45 minutes, got up to do some work and then when it came time to meditate, I decided to do so laying down; not savasana, but a specific a meditation Jen taught me to soothe Vata. What came up for me for during my meditation was to be as nice as possible to myself for the rest of the day. A friend of mine has a rule: if she doesn't sleep well, the next day, she takes a nap. Laying snug under the covers, instead of upright on my cushion for meditation shifted the day decidedly towards cozy. "I'll take all this extra time to be nice to myself," I thought. The next logical question is: why don't I do this every day? Answer: no good reason. Even on busy days, even on days I'm working all day, slammed, running around hair-on-fire, there is no good reason not to be cozy, not be be nice, not to do my meditation under the covers.

Friday, January 15, 2016

Being Quiet

"If the silence has in it even a trace of anger or hostility, it loses all its power...true quiet has the quality of serenity, acceptance, peace." --One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

David Bowie's Death

Thank you God for David Bowie: his fantastic music, his theatricality, his timing. In his nearly fifty year career, the fluidity he played with around gender is a small slice, and it powerfully impacted me and my actual real life friends. "Heroes" will always been one of my favorite songs, singing along to it makes me feel like a hero. Lordy I was sad yesterday when I heard the news of Mr. Bowie's passing and I still am. My good friend Lynne said, "Some people, you think, are never going to die." My first love and I listened to David Bowie's debut album "David Bowie" all the time, songs like "Uncle Arthur" and "The Laughing Gnome" are silly and so good. My best friend in college performed Hedwig and the Angry Inch at Dragtoberfest; I'd never been so proud of anyone in my life. Without David Bowie, there would be no Hedwig and the Angry Inch, no Dresden Dolls and what about Michael Jackson, Madonna, Beyoncé and my good friend Mali's band? And these are just examples that have impacted ME; I'm no David Bowie scholar, there's thousands of other examples I've never even heard of. David Bowie's death brought up loss around more than David Bowie, it brought up pride and regret; some deaths do that. Sometimes you'll break up with someone, start dating someone else and when it ends with the second person, feel grief about the first. Thank you God for recovery, "In Al-Anon we learn that we cannot escape our feelings; we only postpone them."--Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses

Friday, January 8, 2016

"If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?" --Rumi

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Self-Esteem Check-In

What a strange time it's been lately. Mostly things have been going well; I'm excited about a new year and to go back to school. I like my work, my relationships feel solid, and I'm even remembering to have fun sometimes. But inside my head I have I been super mean to myself and judge-y. 

I took a little time this morning to consider self-esteem and to accept that it's fluid.
The great teacher Angeles Arrien says that "[t]he six steps to support and maintain self-esteem are: 1) being able to follow things step-by-step, which is a discipline that can sustain self-esteem; 2) being open, flexible, and resilient maintains self-esteem; 3) following what has heart and passion and meaning sustains self-esteem; 4) staying in one's truth and authenticity, and not abandoning oneself supports self-esteem; 5) communication that is delivered where content and timing are in sync sustains self-esteem; 6) consistent, sustained energy put into creative endeavors and relationships rather than erratic energy put into what we do will maintain self-esteem."

I resonate with this list and know that I'm doing pretty well in some areas whereas others could use my attention and support. Our relationships with others need time and energy in order to grow and strengthen, as does our relationship with Self.

Friday, January 1, 2016

"Hearts Desires"

"Write down your heart's desires and reflect on them often. 
Hold these intentions in your heart steadily, undisturbed by life's duality.
Choose faith and flow over fear and control."

-Rolf Gates has a new book!