Tuesday, April 8, 2014

"The Middle of Nowhere"

My car has been in the shop for the past week and a half and it's going to be in the shop for one more week. I love my car and when it came time to make the decision about whether or not it was "worth it" to keep, I felt that it was. "It's a Subaru;" everyone says, "those last forever." And I do feel like we have at least a couple more years together.

I've been driving this rental car, which is expensive, and getting my car repaired is expensive, and if anything happens to the rental car, well that's going to be expensive too. I realized the other day that I've been in a low-level-state of high-alert-mode every time I drive the rental car.

Sometimes I think of this nice man who came to visit Taos from Paris. He was learning English AND he had never seen a place like Taos before. He LOVED the expression "the middle of nowhere," which, when you think about it, really is a great thing to call somewhere. And Taos could be considered the middle of nowhere. I do lots of the driving on dirt roads; the other day when I was on a particularly bumpy dirt road on my way to Aura's house, a tree growing out into the road scraped the rental car a little bit and I totally almost lost my marbles.

Somehow I was reminded of this article I read in New York Magazine, written by Alec Baldwin called "I Give Up." According to Mr. Baldwin, it's been a rough year in terms of media attention and public scrutiny. So he's "giving up" public life. I didn't quite catch how he intends to give up public life, but I imagine a certain amount of letting go of what the public thinks will have to be a part of it.

I decided "I Give Up" too: my extra concern and caution during rental car driving aren't helping anything. All I can do is my best, the best job I can at driving at any given time. And lucky me, I know how to do that! I know how to do my best. I put a little Ganesh altar in the rental to remind me of my higher power and to officially give up my low-level-state-of-high-alert-mode. I've got my higher power and my best, and no time for extra-curricular fears.

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