Friday, January 24, 2014

"This Above All:"

As I get to know myself better, I learn more and more about my motivations for doing things. Sometimes, I do things just so other people will like me. Which is crazy! Oh my gosh, that's nuts that I do that; people are going to have their opinions of me no matter what I do, so I can relax and just be myself. I can do things if I want to do them and then if other people like me, great! And if not, also great!

But hey, I'm not perfect, this is a process. And this week, I did something not because I wanted to but because I wanted the other party involved to like me. I noticed what I was doing, but I did it anyway. This morning, my Al-Anon book, Courage to Change had something really nice to say about my little process:

"I will dare to be myself. I may be tempted to paste a smile on my face even though I'm angry, in order to please another person. When turning down an invitation, I may want to make excuses so that nobody will be hurt. I may be inclined to cancel plans that I care about without protest, because a loved one prefers to stay home and I don't want to make waves. These may be perfectly acceptable choices, and I may opt for any or all of them. But today I will be honest with myself as I do so--I will not pretend to feel what I do not feel or to want what I do not want. I can only learn to love myself if I am willing to learn who I am."

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