Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Receiving the Love

Have you ever seen people fight over who is going to paying the bill? I have. It happens in my family all the time. Over the years I have seen all kinds of crazy shenanigans regarding slipping the credit card to the waiter to before anyone else does. It can be a wild ride watching someone insist, only to watch the other person insist back. Isn't the whole point of insisting to put an end to this completely unnecessary battle?

In the past few years, I've become okay with someone else paying, and I've gotten over the feelings of guilt or wanting to say thank you for the rest of my life, too. But, sometimes, there's still something in me that really needs to make sure I pay.

It's not fun to look at, but that "something in me" is my inner control freak. As a child I learned that if I wasn't in charge of everything, it would most likely fall apart. This belief creates a lot of anxiety and tension, which makes sense, because it's a very pure form of fear.

Over the weekend there was this one thing I wanted to make sure I paid for. Trying to control that outcome completely took me out of the moment, and I made a perfectly peaceful situation stressful by rushing it. Looking back now I think I feel worse for creating stress than I would from letting someone else pay. Thank goodness I know how to forgive myself.

I want to remember that I love doing nice things for people. And I want to continue to learn to trust that people like doing nice things for me.

About a month and a half ago, I did some super sweet things for my friend Genevieve, and it was my pleasure to do them. After she saw these sweet things, she said "thank you," but she also said "receiving the love."

Thank YOU, Genevieve. I am learning how to receive the love. I am learning how to receive and to be open to the gift that is this moment. 

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