Tuesday, February 12, 2013


More and more these days I can't stand it when someone leaves a voice-mail with histrionics to the effect of: "We haven't talked in SO long." If you are close enough to me to have a charge around us not talking for a few days, then you are close enough to me to call me whenever you want. If I don't answer, I'll call you back.

Patterns of dramatics have become more deplorable to me because I recognize these patterns; I can be dramatic, too. I might not leave a passive-aggressive message saying, "It sure would be nice to hear your voice," but I might cover things up or avoid things by being bigger or louder. Secrets revealed: when I was a kid and throughout college, I studied acting. I also overuse exclamation points in personal emails, and sometimes I get so excited that people can't tell if I'm enthusiastic or sarcastic.

All of this reminds me of a very specific part of my work as a B.E.S.T. practitioner. When you come get a B.E.S.T. treatment from me, chances are, there will be a part of your session when I say, "Please take a deep breath in and hold that breath in for as long as you can. When you need to exhale, that's fine, but then inhale again and hold your breath in for as long as you can." Certain folks are super hell-bent on doing a really good job at that part. I can relate to these folks; I also like doing a good job. I am also old, old friends with over-efforting. If you're trying to do a really good job at holding your breath in to the point that you are no longer relaxed, I might say something like, "In B.E.S.T., we are trying to let go of perfectionism. Just hold your breath in for as long as you can. If that's only two seconds, that's fine. We're just working with the pattern of holding the breath in; no big deal if it's not for very long at all." Patanjali says something in the yoga sutras about what we're really going for is super smooth inhales and exhales; no jagged edges, just long, fluid, silky lines of breath.

Maybe I just have a big personality and other people in my life also have big personalities. And there's really nothing wrong with that. At this stage in the game, I have no interest in trying to change my big or little personality. But I do want to look at when I'm acting out ego and when I'm chilling in spirit.

One of my favorite parts about writing this blog is that I give myself ABSOLUTE permission to read as many "self-help" books as I want. I feel proud of myself for it; it's research, bitches. This is what Charlotte Kasl says in If the Buddha Dated about what I'm trying to get rid of:

"...the rigid or inflated ego is concrete and dualistic---right-wrong, good-bad, friend-foe. It is tethered to past experiences that have become hard-wired in the brain, resulting in rigid beliefs, fear of change, and an inability to see the many sides of a situation. We are also caught in our inflated ego when we lose perspective on our immediate situation. We're like the teenager who ‘will die’ if he or she can't go to a certain rock concert or see a certain friend. While we can have preferences, the minute we start insisting that people and situations be different, we create internal turmoil--anger, hostility, sadness, and so on." (p. 39)

Gosh this is the longest tipandtrick ever. If you're still with me, and wonder what I'm doing with all of these words: I'm trying to smooth out some edges.


MS said...

Ah, yes, but it's also one of your best. It's real and your writing is how I want to read it. thanks, P. God, we haven't spoken in so long!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ashleigh Beyer said...

:):):) Thanks P!

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