Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Long Story Short

So this funny thing happened last week when I decided I wanted to re-watch the movie Blue Valentine and out of the blue valentine, one of my best friends Braden texted me to say he was watching Blue Valentine. Braden and I have known each other for many years; we've clocked a lot of hours talking about movies but I'm not sure we have ever talked about Blue Valentine before. Braden is excellent about knowing his friends' tastes and has a special brand of keeping in touch that involves telling his friends about something he saw or read that he thinks they would like.

I didn't know how long this story could be so long story short, I re-watched the movie with a friend of mine who hadn't seen it before, and they REALLY DIDN'T LIKE IT. So, I spent some quality time trying to figure out why I like it....surely it's not just because it's so sad. Turns out I like it for a couple of reasons. The biggest one is that in the movie, the imbalance in the relationship is caused by the husband hinging more of his identity on the relationship than the wife. The wife has a career that feeds her; whereas, it's being a husband to his wife that feeds him.

In art and life, I feel like I see a lot more of the-other-way-around. There's a bunch research these days proving that men are better off in marriage than women. I am not a scholar on the subject, but I am a woman and can speak for myself. I feel like I have a lot to give, and I have found a lot of suffering in my intimate relationships when I give a lot---but want something in return. I challenge all of us, men and women, to notice each time we have the impulse to give--is it pure? Are we giving because we want something in return, even if it's just a "thank you," or are we giving because we want the receiver to have what we have to give?

Yogi Bhajan said something like "if you have any relationships in your life with a purpose other than compassion, you will find pain in those relationships." True that.

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