Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The 5 Steps of Forgiveness

Since conflict's not really my bag: if I have even a TINY disagreement and it doesn't have a resolution, my mind and time turn said tiny disagreement into a knock-down-drag-out-end-of-days scenario.

The other morning, I woke up pissed. I was pissed at one person because our tiny disagreement hadn't been resolved. It really didn't matter though, it felt more like I was pissed at the world. Pissed at my alarm clock, pissed at my coffee, pissed at driving and at going to the gym.

It has become so clear to me that when I'm angry, resentful, sad or disappointed in or at anyone, anything or any place it REALLY doesn't effect that person, place or thing---it affects me.

Morter HealthSystem, the kind folks who created the healing technique that I have been studying, have a system to let go of these feelings, which they call "The 5 Steps of Forgiveness."

Here's how it works, you sit down with yourself on your meditation cushion or in your favorite recliner and go through these steps:

Imagine the person(s), place, or thing that you WANT to forgive in front of you. Identify the feeling that you’re feeling.

I forgive myself for feeling __(the feeling)________.

I forgive you for any harm you may have caused me by ‘causing’ me to feel ____(the feeling)__________.

I give you absolute permission to forgive me for any harm I may have caused you by feeling ____(the feeling)_______.

Ask yourself, “What am I learning?” (See the good and be grateful) a. I am learning ________________.
b. I am grateful I am learning ________________.
c. I am grateful I am safe learning _____________.

5. Now imagine a chord, one end of it attached to you and the other end attached to the person(s), place, or thing in front of you. Imagine giant scissors coming and cutting the chord. See the chord disintegrating. Now while you imagine the person(s), place or thing slowly fading away, say: “I release you. I wish you well. God bless you. I love you.”

Or you can just say "I release you," if you're not into all of the God and love stuff. You may have to practice this over and over again with the same person and different feelings or the same feelings and different scenarios or the same person and the same feelings until one day, almost imperceptible, like a feather, you'll realize you're starting to let go. It may take once, it may take years, but slowly, with patience and if you want to, you can let go of these feelings.

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