Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Detox Junkie

Every now and then you might hear me say something like, "I'm an addict." Sounds serious I know, but one of the reasons I say it is to make it less serious. What I mean by it, essentially, is that I still feel dependent on things outside of myself to make me feel happy. Since this is hard work, and I don't yet see the light at the end of the tunnel, I try to have a good sense of humor about it. One of the things I feel dependent upon to make me feel "happy" is the physical practice of yoga. Interesting thing about the physical practice of yoga is that it's actually pretty detoxifying. I've been doing it very regularly for a bunch of years now and as a result, I have become pretty sensitive to toxins. It's easy to think about toxins as drugs that someone made in their basement or the air in Los Angeles, but thoughts can be toxic too.

In fact, I even have thoughts ABOUT toxins that are toxic. They go something like, "It's springtime, I SHOULD be doing a cleanse," "I feel gross after all of that restaurant food, best to just subsist on coconut water," or maybe, "I'm not so sure those beans were vegetarian, to be safe, I'll never eat beans again."

Lucky for me I've realized that these thoughts and the actions I might take because of them, would propel me from one place where I felt out of balance to another place of little-to-no balance. For the record, I am seeking: balance and answers that are in
me; not in a Blueprint Cleanse bottle.

I have a great deal of respect for a woman who has done a lot of work with this stuff named Geneen Roth. She wrote a book called Women, Food and God that does a fabulous job of pointing me back to myself. Sometimes when I feel toxic and that toxicity creates toxic thoughts, I just open to any page from that book and read. Today's page said:

"Diets are based on the unspoken fear that you are a madwoman, a food terrorist, a lunatic. Eventually you will destroy all you love and so you need to be stopped. The promise of a diet is not only that you will have a different body; it is that having a different body, you will have a different life. If you hate yourself enough, you will love yourself. If you torture yourself enough, you will become a peaceful, relaxed human being."

Word up, Geneen. I'm working on it.

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